Itcha Itcha Jounin Style
by Gilraen Ar-Feiniel
Summary: Kurenai enters the Jounin common room to find some of the male Jounin acting more oddly than normal. Oneshot. More AsumaxKurenai than anything else, but a little implied Yaoi.


This is the fist fic I've written in a long time, so please forgive any rustiness. Also, for any OOCishness. This all stemmed from a rather random conversation with a friend of mine as to whether any of the Konoha crowd would actually do anything like this. Thanks to Debs for reading this through!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Unfortunately.

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**_Itcha Itcha – Jounin Style_**

Kurenai had her belief that the vast majority of the Jounins and Special Jounins in Konoha were perverted confirmed within about five seconds of entering the Jounin common room. The scene that greeted her as she walked through the door was… disturbing to say the least.

Kakashi, Genma, Raido and, Kurenai's scarlet eyes flashed dangerously, Asuma were huddled together (fully dressed, thank God) in a tableau that looked worryingly like a scene from one of Kakashi's infernal Itcha Itcha books. This thought was proven by the fact that Kakashi was still reading it from his kneeling position and was busily directing the other three into position.

"No Genma, your leg should be on the other side."

"Are you sure you're not reading the book upside down?" grumbled the older Jounin. "You've already told me to shift that leg twice!"

"Ah, stop moaning!" Raido grinned from his position on Asuma's lap. He was leaning quite a long way to the side, more than likely in a bid to avoid smoke from the cigarette that seemed to dangle permanently from the bearded Jounin's lips. He reached out to pat Genma's arm as Kakashi began talking again.

"Right, now all we need is a woman. Since Shizune ran away-"

CRASH.

Raido, already off-balance due to avoiding Asuma's smoke, had leaned over too far in attempting to reach Genma and had fallen off Asuma straight onto Kakashi. The other ninja had put an arm out to stop Raido's fall, however he still ended up being knocked sideways slightly. He shifted his free arm slightly to take the change in stance, and caught sight of a new pair of feet. The copy nin looked up to find Kurenai frozen in the doorway with a look of bemused horror on her face. Most of it was aimed at Asuma, who in his turn had gone a very strange colour, somewhere between red and green. The cigarette drooped limply from the corner of his mouth, just about hanging in there.

"Hey Kurenai-san," Unfortunately, Genma was the first to recover his power of speech. The damned idiot hadn't even bothered to change his position from his stance directly behind Kakashi, the grey-haired Jounin noticed sadly. "Wanna join in? I mean, we do need a woman. It'll be – mpfh!"

"I reckon that if you want to live, then that sentence probably shouldn't be finished." Raido had moved with an impressive speed to behind Genma and clamped one hand over his mouth.

Words had failed Kurenai. Deciding that it would probably be better to leave the room before someone else did something stupid, like try to talk to her, she turned on her heel and stalked out. But not before giving Asuma a look that told him quite plainly that he'd be for the high-jump the next time she saw him. The bear-like Jounin at least had the good grace (and even better sense) to look worried, and more than a little embarrassed.

As she walked away from the common room door, Kakashi's voice could be heard drifting behind her.

"Well, we won't be able to do page forty three now. We should be able to do page sixty two, though…" It occurred to Kurenai that the cold, calculating voice that the man was using was more than a little worrying.

"Oooh… Let me see!" And the tone of excitement in Genma's voice definitely counted as disturbing. She increased her speed, escaping the building as quickly as she could, breathing a sigh of relief as the fresh morning air washed over her. Right at that moment, she needed company, and female company at that. The last thing she wanted was a repeat of her encounter with those perverts. At least she knew where to go for a dose of something approaching sanity.

Ten minutes later, she brushed aside the curtains of the dango shop. As she expected, Shizune was there, sat in the booth right next to the door. The female Jounin gave Kurenai a grin as she slumped weakly into the seat in front of her.

"What happened to you?" Shizune asked with a trace of concern.

"I went into the common room."

"Ah."

"Have they always been that bad?" Kurenai asked wearily. "Or is there any feasible way I can put this down to mission stress?"

"I doubt that, Kurenai-san. Although this is the first time they've done that in public."

"I hope that Tsunade-sama doesn't walk in on them like that. She's been threatening a visit for the last couple of days."

"Why?"

"She's been getting complaints from the Chuunin teachers at the Academy that their classes are being wrecked by some of the more experienced, but less responsible Jounin. There's at least one case of a couple of them throwing kunais at each other right outside a lecture on weapon safety."

"It'd serve them right," Shizune snickered appreciatively.

Kurenai agreed and disappeared to get something to eat. She reappeared a few moments later with a plate of dangos and a cup of steaming tea. Sitting down, she took a sip of tea and proceeded to begin a thoroughly enjoyable session of gossip with Shizune.

"And you'll never guess what she said next, Kurenai-san… Hey, what's going on over there?" From her vantage point opposite the doorway, Shizune had spotted a commotion going on outside. Kurenai twisted around so that she could see, and was rewarded by the view of Asuma and Raido supporting Kakashi and Genma down the street. Both the silver-haired and the senbon-chewing ninjas were looking particularly battered. People outside were watching their progress down the street and laughing. Someone was shouting angrily. It didn't take much effort to be able to hear every word said.

"…In public like that, what the hell were you thinking! Get yourselves down to the hospital, and then I want to see you in my office!" The voice was undoubtedly Tsunade's.

"Looks like Tsunade-sama paid that visit," Shizune commented, and the twowomen dissolved into fits of giggles.

"Are all Kunoichi always this prudish?" Genma's voice complained loudly from outside. A flying sandal, coupled with a hail of insults from Tsunade sent him and Raido, still straining to keep his friend upright, staggering forwards. Shizune and Kurenai laughed harder.

"Hey Shizune-san," Kurenai spluttered. "Think they've learned?"

"Hell no! Genma's just pinched Kakashi's Itcha Itcha Violence book!"

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And there we have it... Please review!


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